Spring Breakin' 2: Electric Blizzardloo

So, remember how I said Chiba loves snow? Well, we woke up to a foot of it this morning, and she rejoiced:

There was so much snow, she actually had to eat her way across the yard!
She also enjoys leaping to catch snowballs in the air, wringing their necks, then eating them.

When you're from Arkansas, the first thing you learn about playing in the snow is how to be efficient. In other words, when you're building a snowman, you are trained to get EVERY BIT OF SNOW on your parents' property. (If you've only got an inch or two, you've got to make it count!) As a result, most kids have really grassy snowmen. Today, we were spoiled. We used our skills to amass a really tall pile of snow, and then were at a loss as to what to do with it. Good scholars that we are, Phillip and I decided to turn it into a giant portrait of Karl Marx:

Snow Marx has a bit of a fro, but all things considered, I think we did a pretty good job.

Here's a close up:

The detail was kind of hard to see, so we decided to do his
eyes, mouth, and hair with charcoal and ashes from the grill.

We also thought we should document our snow-sculpting outfits.

Here's Shaun:

Yes, that is a Cobra Commander coat. And a Mork shirt.
Shaun's weather gear comes straight from his box of old Halloween costumes.

Here's Phillip:

Phil went a little more traditional with a Mighty Ducks in South Central sort of look.

And here's me:

I did not purchase any part of this outfit.

Pashmina: Gift from my friend Juliet's trip to Spain
Wolf shirt: Purchased by my BFF Maya at an auto show near my mom's house
Trenchcoat: Vintage Sears, gift from my friend Audrey
Cookie-Monster-molested-me jeans: Levi's, stolen from Shaun
Cowboy boots: Found on the side of the road (really!)

Joel was too cool to bother with a snow outfit.

He watched Heavy Metal in Baghdad instead.

The neighbors made some awesome snowstuff, too:

After a series of epic frustrations (getting trapped in my driveway after the city vehicles threw snow behind Shaun's car, misaligning Shaun's car even after shoveling out our driveway, having our purchases withheld at Wal-Mart, etc.), we decided it was necessary to devour lots of baked goods.

Since I promised my friend Auntie She-She some scones almost two months ago, I decided to finally make good on that. (It doesn't hurt that scones and tea are magical on a snowy day like today.)

A few years ago, when I started experimenting with scones, I happened upon this recipe. As much as I like just messing around and letting the alchemy happen, the scones that I made using that recipe were good enough to make me do it by the book almost every time.

Still, an important caveat before we get started. Ever since a horrible experience with British Starbursts, my already minimal patience for currants has been diminishing. What's a girl to use instead? CHERRIES. I cannot adequately convey how great cherries are in scones. Scones themselves are not meant to be sweet, so choosing the right fruit is really important. Cherries are complex! They are sweet enough to make it clear that scones are part of breakfast, tea, or dessert, but they have a tart kick to them that kills me every time. If you simply must use currants, I will not judge you. But really, extenuating circumstances aside, cherries will not let you down.

Here's what all you'll need for a batch:

FOR DOUGH:
1 3/4 c all-purpose flour
4 tsp baking powder
1/4 c white sugar
1/8 tsp salt
5 tbsp unsalted butter
1/2 c dried cherries
1/2 c milk
1/4 c sour cream
(the most magical ingredient in baking, as far as I'm concerned)

FOR EGG WASH:
1 large egg
1 tbsp milk

Here's the dough in progress:

This stuff can be really hard to work with at first, so be sure
a) to keep the butter pretty clumpy and
b) not to overwork the dough, as tempting as it is.

The trick is to just grab as much as you can and mush it together, honestly. Once you do that, it binds like a charm.

Here's what the scones ought to look like right before they go in the oven:

And here's what they ought to look like right after you take them out:


And here's what they ought to look like right before you eat them:

Tea is really necessary with these.
Today we had Earl Grey, but Vanilla Rooibos is pretty awesome, too.
I also highly recommend slicing a scone in half and slathering it with cherry preserves.

And, because I promised more insane (weather-inappropriate) but mood-maintaining Spring Breakin' costumes, here is what I wore to make scones:

Dress: Pomare
Socks: Stolen from Shaun, who owns only argyles (seriously)

And with that, I wish you good night. Stay tuned for The Great Bedroom Excavation of 2010!

Spring Breakin': Snowed in with Boys

Spring break is upon us! Alas, although it was 70 degrees yesterday, we now have several inches of snow, and, as the old song goes, it's showing no sign of stopping. First day of spring, my ass.

Anyway, since Laine is out of town for the weekend, I took our Hipster Puppy, Sonny Chiba Las Vegas, to hang out with my boyfriend, Shaun, at his house. This has proven to be an exciting undertaking, especially given Chiba's boundless enthusiasm with regard to snow. In this respect, she is a better Southerner than any of the rest of us.

No, really.

Also, there's Shaun's roommate, Joel. Below I have attempted to summarize Joel's personality in Blingee format:

Joel has become one of Chiba's favorite people, for obvious reasons.

There's also Phillip, who has begun mimicking Chiba's every move. The likenesses are striking!




Amidst all this excitement, we all were still able to restrain ourselves long enough to watch what may well be the greatest movie...

that can bear the banner "Sci-Fi Original."

What Ice Spiders lacked in coherence and plausibility, it more than made up for with copious bro-speak and insane costume choices. Also, it was totally appropriate for this godawful weather.

While waiting to replenish our movie stash, we decided to cook an epic, vegetarian-friendly feast. Since Laine picked some spring onions while it was warm out, I decided to use them for a gigantic stir fry and some scallion pancakes. Scallion pancakes, it should be noted, are a HUGE point of contention between me and my homeland. Short of making them for oneself, they are nearly impossible to find in Chinese restaurants below the Mason-Dixon line. If you have ever eaten a scallion pancake, then you realize that this is totally fucking insane. I mean, it's not like we don't like fried things. For those of you in similar situations, observe.

This recipe is basically how I make scallion pancakes, but I use more flour (you definitely want thick dough for these) and I usually make them a little smaller so they cook faster. And, on this occasion we blew off the store-bought green onions in favor of...

Excellent!

So, we started with all this stuff:

2 c all-purpose flour
1 tsp yeast+1 tsp sugar in 1/2 c warm water
1 tsp salt
2 tbsp vegetable oil
a whole mess of (soaked, scrubbed, and minced) WYLD SKALLYNS

We put 1 c flour in a bowl with the yeastysugarywater and stirred it until blended. Then we put the other 1 c flour in another bowl with the salt, the vegetable oil, and another 1/2 c warm water, and mixed that up, too. (We still had to add a few pinches of flour to get the stuff to bind right.) Next, we mashed both doughs together and let the newly-formed giant gob of dough rest for about half an hour. When we came back, the dough was much nicer, so we rolled it out, spiraled it into a log, and cut said log into 1-inch slices. We mushed those slices into circles, rubbed some oil on them, and sprinkled them with more WYLD SKALLYNS than you could possibly imagine. We pinwheeled the circles up to mix the SKALLYNS in, then mashed them flat again before pan-frying them on medium-high heat. Ultimately, they looked like this:

If you eat these (and you really, really should), it is imperative that
you dunk them in vast amounts of Bragg's Liquid Aminos. It's the law!

For the stir fry, Shaun used this recipe. This time, we substituted seitan for meat, used green bell peppers instead of peas, put in WAY more garlic, and used baby shiitakes instead of regular shiitakes. Oh yeah, and WYLD SKALLYNS!

11 baby shiitake mushrooms, plumped in water
(this keeps them from absorbing too much oil)
3 tbsp peanut oil
2 large eggs, lightly beaten with a pinch of kosher salt
1/4 c minced carrot
1/4 c WYLD SKALLYNS, minced
3 large cloves garlic, minced
pinch red chile flakes
1 tsp minced peeled fresh ginger
2 tbsp soy sauce (Bragg's would work here, too!)
1 tsp toasted sesame oil
3 c long-grain rice

1 c cubed seitan, marinated 1 hr in Bragg's Liquid Aminos and honey

Here's the work in progress:

And ready to eat!

Spring break is great for a lot of reasons, but getting to cook leisurely is one of the best.

Particularly if you're able to use this as an excuse to threaten those around you with a rolling pin.

Another great thing is that I get to wear outfits that are just not okay for work--or, in this case, most social situations. Today, for example, I wore one of my favorite dresses. It is so garish and psychedelic that is has been known to rob people of their vision. Chiba, however, is impervious to its powers:

Dress: Dynasty, via Cheap Thrills
Belt: Stolen from Shaun
Socks: Mossimo
Shoes: Mudd

But, hey, there's a lot of scary dresses in my closet, and there's a whole week of Spring Breakin' ahead of us! Stay tuned for our next installment: